The Gift

I sang this song in a voice recital when I was younger. It is one of my very favorites,  I cry everytime I hear it. It is such a simple but powerful story.

Christmas time is filled with so many wonderful things...but what I love most is the reason for it all. Christ was born, a tiny baby boy, who has made it possible for me, and for everyone to return and live in heaven again with our families. This truth stands triumphantly and miraculously, no matter what happens in this life. He gave us this gift becuase He loves us, and the greatest gift we can give, is to love Him, and love eachother.

a fairytale

Trey's new favorite movie is "Beauty and the Beast" We probably watch it once a day, and I am not opposed! It has always been my favorite! I even have a picture of me at Disneyland when I was 5, with the Beast, wearing a Beauty and the Beast sweatshirt! Trey loves to act out parts in the movies he watches, he runs around the house during chasing scenes, dances, sings, yells...it's more entertaining to watch him, actually! This morning we were watching Beauty and Beast, I was changing Claire, and not paying attention to what part the movie was at, Trey came over to me holding out his hand, I looked at the TV and it was the part where Belle and the Beast dance. I took Trey's little chubby hand and we danced around the living room! My little prince charming!

Ever since I can remember I've dreamed of getting married to the man of my dreams and having a house full of children. I'd come home from school and help my Mom fold laundry on her bed and then eat some banana bread she just took out of the oven and my mind would dream of when I would be the one doing the laundry and baking for my own family. Well, yesterday Brock walked in the door from school just as I was pulling some banana bread from the oven and it hit me- all of my daydreams from when I was little have become my reality, and it's really quite wonderful- our very own "happily ever after"

 

this morning.

I heard Claire on the monitor waking up, checked the clock, 7am. Good girl, slept through the night. I tiptoed out of our room, trying not to wake Trey, who was curled up at the foot of the bed, snuggled up to his Daddy's legs. Claire's full of smiles when she sees I haven't forgotten about her, and she rubs my neck and arms with her silky soft fingers while I nurse her, with only the christmas tree for light. I change her diaper and nibble her toes, I love her little giggle so much. Trey comes waking into the living room with his blankie, "hi mom! hi care! what you doing?" He comes and lays beside Claire and she squeals as she excitedly reaches for his face, Trey looks up at me and laughs, "care funny!" Now they are both crawling towards the coffee table, which Trey calls the castle, "come on care," Trey is always telling her this, I love it. Once they're both underneath, Brock comes to join the party. "dadda awake!" He joins them in the castle and Claire worms her way towards him. He picks her up and rubs his morning stubble into her neck, for some reason she loves it. He talks to her as they head into the kitchen to make some toast. Trey makes his way to sit by me on the couch, he lets me hold him like a little baby and we lay beside each other, nose to nose, he likes to play with my hair and point out my eyes and nose and teeth. The sun hasn't even come up, and I've already had a good day.

a hidden treasure.

I have some old books that were my great Grandma Jensen's, a couple cookbooks, some poetry books, and one on church history. I love them, their worn covers and fragile yellow pages, I love knowing what she was interested in. And they all have her handwriting in the margins, underlining parts of poems, making changes to recipes, I made some cookies following her adjustments, and they turned out so good!

I found a poem written on a loose piece of paper inside one of them, when I first read it I just sat there and cried. I really felt like it was a message from her. I am so grateful that I know she, and all my other family members who have passed on, are watching over me. I think of them often.

success is in the way you walk
the path of life each day.
it's in the little things you do
and in the things you say.
success is not in getting rich
or rising high to fame,
it's not alone in winning goals
which all men hope to claim.
success is being big of heart
and clean and broad of mind.
it's being faithful to your friend,
and to the stranger kind.
it's in the children whom you love
and all they learn from you.
success depends on character
and every thing you do.
{edgar a. guest}

a love letter

Dear Brock,
I know you don't like it when I tell you you are a perfect husband and father, but since you aren't here to stop me I'm saying it. You're perfect.

Last night I was loading the dishwasher and you walked in after changing and putting Claire in bed for the night, I loved how you gave me a little kiss and helped me finish up cleaning the kitchen. After you put Trey in his pj's and I attempted to take him to bed, while he cried "my dadda, my dadda..." you picked Trey up and I could tell he was so excited for extra time with you. You brushed his teeth, took him to bed, read him a book, helped him say his prayers, kissed him and shut off the light. I stood out in the hallway listening with a  BIG goofy grin. I officially married the finest man ever. And this wasn't an out-of-the-ordinary night.

You held my hand and looked into my eyes while I gave birth to our children. You pay the bills, make the bed, and take out the garbage. You make me dinner, and built me a kitchen table. You let me buy fabric and get up with the kids so I can run in the morning. You sing with me in the car, and dance with me in the kitchen. You know my clothes size and about my irrational fear of the dark. You think I'm the best cook.
You work so hard at school, but you are embarrassed when I tell my mom you have a 4.0 and made the dean's list {I'm just a little bit proud}. When I told you the other night I didn't know where you find the motivation, and you said, "I think about you and Trey and Claire." I could have kissed you...oh wait I did.
You provide me with such sense of security, I know we are in excellent hands.
I love watching Trey and you wrestling on the floor or holding Claire and making her laugh. They love their Dad, and I know it is because they can feel how much you love them. I love watching you be a Dad. You are so full of kindness and patience and love. I feel so blessed to have you by my side forever.

xoxo, Amy

perfect day.

I just experienced one of the best days of my life:
family.
temple.
little white dresses.
covenants.
smiles.
tears.
love.
forever.
...just some of the things that were involved.

it was one of those days that reminded me why I love being a wife and mother so very, very much. one of those days when it feels like I've touched heaven.

One of those days that created a happy memory I will treasure forever.

trey

he is curious, silly, independent, happy, loud, stubborn, caring, smart, grouchy, loving, sensitive, messy, sneaky and obedient.
he is {definitely} two

...and we love it all!

roller coaster

that word pretty much sums up today. So up and down- I told Brock I was either, laughing, melting, or losing it!

I was laughing when I got home from my run and realized my pants AND sweater had been on inside out, obviously not with it when I left the house.
I was melting when Trey folded his arms and stayed focused long enough on his prayer to bless, Claire, Dad, Mom and Brynn. When he was done he high fived me and said "I did it!"
I lost it when I packed us all up, got to the hospital, parked, got the stroller out, put Trey in, got the sling out, put Claire in, hiked to the entrance, waited at admitting, got to Orthopedics, waited for the doctor, and then had her tell me they had confirmed me for the wrong day, and she actually wanted to take Trey's cast off NEXT tuesday. I cried when we got back to the car.

I've really been trying to focus on the laughing and melting moments more, even though I feel like I have been losing it more than I would like to admit. With Brynn's cancer returning. I have been praying and thinking about her so much I feel like my mind can't seem to focus on much more.
I am striving to remember the eternal course, and recognize the many tender mercies I receive daily. To be more humble and admit I cannot do it alone. I need heaven's help in all it's ways and in all I do. I know it's there. Today a friend called- not knowing what's been going on or what kind of day it was- and asked how I was doing. If that's not a miracle I don't know what it is.

half

I am sure every mother can relate, I feel like Claire was just born, but it seems like she has always been a part of our family. How is she already 6 months old?!

Having a second baby is a strange thing. I just assumed my babies would look alike, grow alike, and well, be alike. But this little lady is different from her brother, and I have grown and learned as a mother because of it.

She is so alert when she is awake, she follows mine and Brock's every move, and all it takes is a glace in her direction and she's grinning ear to ear. She loves to be involved in whatever is going on, and is perfectly happy rolling and scooting around on the floor trying her hardest to get to whatever toy Trey left in his path. She is a girl on a schedule, she loves her "beauty sleep", and I love her for it :) She is a little snacker, unlike her brother was at this age, if she nurses for longer than 5 minutes it's a miracle. Every few hours she comes in for an "appetizer" as we've come to call her feedings. I feel like she needs more, but she's content so I guess it's working :) along with that, she's our little pipsqueak! Also, quite unlike her brother! We laugh at her little noodle limbs- she's started getting up on her knees and launching herself forward, and all I can think is, "you're too little for that!"
She loves to be sung to, and cuddled while she sucks on her two little fingers and clutches her blanket. Trey even knows this and when she is upset will go get her blanket and place it on her hand {that's one major similarity- what would I do without the "blankies" of the house?} She has her two bottom teeth, and soon {whenever I get around to mashing up an avocado} will be getting her first taste of "real" food! She even said, "dada" the other day, but despite what Brock says, I think it was a fluke!

 When she was born I was amazed that I could love two tiny people so fully and yet so equally, and over the past six months my heart has only grown to love them more. I am blessed to spend my days with these two perfect people that love me so wholly despite my many failings- they inspire me to do the same.

on purpose.

A few days ago I had a hard day. Lack of sleep, a not-so-nice lady in the grocery store, and some very sad news, had me laying on my bed in tears. Both kids were napping {a rare occurrence} and so I decided to listen to a conference talk. I randomly chose this one, and I know it was no coincidence.

"I think of our Lord and Exemplar, Jesus Christ, and His short life among the people of Galilee and Jerusalem. I have tried to imagine Him bustling between meetings or multitasking to get a list of urgent things accomplished.

I can’t see it.

Instead I see the compassionate and caring Son of God purposefully living each day. When He interacted with those around Him, they felt important and loved. He knew the infinite value of the people He met. He blessed them, ministered to them. He lifted them up, healed them. He gave them the precious gift of His time."

To me this is what being a disciple of Christ means. Doing {good} things on purpose, not merely living out of habit. 

I feel best when I purposely wake up and study my scriptures and have meaningful prayer. When a friend's name comes to mind and I call them. When I sit with Trey and play or read a book. When I wonder what my grandparents are doing, and decide to skype them. When I hold Claire just a little while longer after she's eaten so we can just look at each other. When, instead of filling Brock in on the days mishaps when he comes home, I remember he's had a long hard day too, and decide to do all I can to help him. 

When I remember to do all these things, without expecting any praise or recognition;
that is when I feel the best.

It seems that now if you are not "busy" you are somehow not successful. But I am learning that when I feel too "busy" it's time to do some prioritizing, so the things that truly matter don't get lost in the rush of the day. 

 "Our Heavenly Father sees our real potential. He knows things about us that we do not know ourselves. He prompts us during our lifetime to fulfill the measure of our creation, to live a good life, and to return to His presence.

Why, then, do we devote so much of our time and energy to things that are so fleeting, so inconsequential, and so superficial? Do we refuse to see the folly in the pursuit of the trivial and transient?...

So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial.

The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don’t really matter or determine our happiness.

We do matter.We determine our happiness.

You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness."

Choosing to be happy, and choosing to strive to make others happy. It's a good way to spend your time :)

staying afloat

that about sums up  the past couple weeks, i feel like i have just been kicking and kicking to keep my head above water...but the most important part is, we're still hanging in there!
All of Brock's spare time right now is spent studying for the DAT, Trey is sporting a cast {more clubfoot treatment} that he is not particularly fond of, Claire is working on a couple teeth, and I just got called into the Primary Presidency!- it's been a little hectic and sleep deprived around here.
My coping mechanism? christmas music and 'after eight' hot chocolate, I can't possibly be stressed when either of those things are involved :)

...on another "floating" note. meet our baby fish! This gal could swim all day!

who needs clouds...

...when you have crackers!
For the past couple weeks whenever Trey eats crackers he'll take a bite, then stare at the cracker for a few seconds and tell me what animal he thinks it looks like, take another bite, stare, and decide what it looks like again. Today he came over to me, so excited saying, "a sheep! a sheep!" he held up his cracker and it really did look just like a sheep! But he was onto the next bite before I could get a picture!
What a goof!

a happy happy birthday

Trey turned 2 on October 4th.  It was a happy day.

He was born 22 days after our first anniversary. To some {or maybe to many} that may seem pretty quick timing to add a baby to the mix, but we know he was supposed to come exactly when he did.

Our "plan" was to wait a couple years to start having children, but about a month after we were married I started feeling like we should have one sooner. We JUST got married so I tried to put the thought out of my mind, but I couldn't. After a month of trying to ignore it, I brought it up with Brock. We talked about it, and prayed about it, and well, we came to conclusion that if we were pregnant at that moment we would be really quite (ecstatically!) happy. Two months later I was pregnant. And we were very, very happy. We told our families and they were also very happy.

A couple weeks later Brock's mom, Lawnee, passed away. And then I knew why this little baby was supposed to come so quick. Feeling his little kicks and hiccups every night, buying tiny baby things, planning our future as a family of three, knowing that families are forever... during a time when it was hard to be, he made us happy.

As I watched Trey, surrounded by family, try to sing "happy birthday" along with everyone, I thought of how so very true that statement was.

Trey, since the day we knew you were coming you have made us happy.

the in between

as much as I refuse to believe it, I know the tiny people that I spend my days with will one day not be so tiny. nothing brings me greater joy than watching trey and claire grow and learn new things, but when they are both tucked in their beds for the night, a little piece of me is sad that they are both one day older.
Even though it's been some time since I have had 8 uninterrupted hours of sleep, I secretly treasure the middle of the night nursing and rocking time with my baby girl, and the tiny, tired hands reaching up to climb into mom and dad's bed. I fear all to quickly these little bodies that I love to snuggle will be all grown up. So for now I enjoy the time in between our days when I feel like I get their littleness for just a bit longer.

13.1

someone asked me why I was training for a half marathon, I told them, "I love to run."

and I do.

When I was 7 years old my grandpa had to have his leg amputated. I will never forget seeing {what was left of} his leg after. I remember thinking, "how will he run?" I asked my grandma, and she said, "you just run extra for grandpa."

 Running has always been a release for me. I love the time to think. I love to see how far my legs can take me. And I love how it makes me feel.

I think of my Grandpa every time I run, I think of my mother-in-law and sister-in-law with muscular dystrophy, I think of the woman that walks by our house with her seeing-eye-dog. I think of how grateful I am for a healthy body that can do so many things.

With 3 miles left in the race I started to feel my body getting tired, my goal was to run it in less than 2:10 and to run the entire time. At this point I really wanted to walk, but I also really wanted to prove to myself I could do what I set out to do. My legs were sore, but I thought of every run I had done to prepare for that exact moment, I thought of my two babies and husband waiting at the end. and I thought of my Grandpa- so I kept running. Around the last corner, was a women in a wheel chair holding a sign that simply said "you can do it!" I almost broke down right there, I found whatever energy I had left and pushed to the end.
I finished in 2:05, and then ate the best banana I have ever tasted!

{almost} 2

this boy is so sweet.

he is always saying "peas" and "key-kew" {please and thank-you}.
he shares everything {even attempting to share his snacks and drinks} with his sister.
he loves to give tight hugs {best. thing. ever.}.
he cleans up his room before bedtime.
he loves to sing songs, and read books.
he knows exactly how to make mom and dad laugh.

I feel so blessed to be able to spend each day with him. I love the little conversations we have, I love seeing his little personality come out, and watching him as he learns and discovers new things.

Half of me canNOT believe he is so old- while the other half can hardly remember life before he was here.

I'll never forget the day this little boy made me a mother, his tiny, perfect face fulfilled my every hope and dream, and since that day my love for him has grown in a way I didn't even know was possible.

so, my {not so little, but will always be my baby} boy, simply stated, I love you very much!

three

Yesterday was the anniversary of the day we became a mr. and mrs. I think it will always be one of those days that feels like it was yesterday.

Our life together has been so blessed and full, and I feel like we have come through a lot together, but I know in the grand scheme we are only at the very beginning; which makes me oh so excited to see what the future holds.

I love Brock will all my heart. He is hardworking and humble, patient and kind, and always loving. He makes me laugh every. single. day. and encourages me to pursue my goals. Watching Brock as a father fills me with complete and utter joy; trey and claire don't know how lucky they are to have the Dad that they do. And I hope I can come close to showing how grateful I am to have the husband that I have.

1095 {+1} days ago

my happy.

you know those moments when your heart is so happy that it feels as though it may burst?...

ones like: waking up and finding Trey flipping through a pile of books on his bed or Claire's ear to ear smiles every morning. Brock cleaning up the kitchen when the babies were in bed because I have a cold and thought my eyeballs were going to pop out of my head. Listening to Trey talk to Claire and then finding him sharing his train and giving her kisses. Singing songs to Trey and running my fingers through his hair, wondering when my baby turned into such a handsome little boy. Trying to be quiet {so certain babies don't wake up} when Brock is making laugh when we're going to sleep. Homemade chicken noodle soup simmering on the stove. The fact that it is September. I really love September.

joy.

I love these two ladies.

new! {to us}

so for quite awhile now I have been hoarding furniture to redo. I kept saying "oh, I'll just finish it in the summer..."
well, when it came time to actually start the projects, my parents garage was full, but I knew if I didn't do it in my 2 day window I had set aside it probably wouldn't get it done, most likely until next summer...
so I rolled up my sleeves and went to work! I felt a little bad neglecting my children but that's when having 4 aunties comes in handy :)
So here's some before and afters!

 this dresser I got at a thrift store in Montana

this one my mom got for me at a garage sale!
thanks mom :)

the coffee table is another garage sale find, and {most of} the frames are from a thrift store

I bought that little book shelf off of kijiji {and I just love the way Trey's room looks with his "big" bed!}

we built this kitchen table! {thank you chelsie for your power tools!} and I got the little bench for free! We can actually have people over and sit at the table now!

And finally a couple things for Claire's room- A "new" rocking chair and I finally gave my 8 year old chest a white wash!

so, if you are ever wanting to go thirft store shopping, or need a painting buddy, call me up! 

home again

We {finally} made it home to Saskatoon! I've missed our little home so much, it feels so good to be back! We had such a wonderful summer break, there is just something about being with parents and sisters and cousins and grandmas that recharges me.

Trey and Claire both changed so much over the summer, it makes me both so happy and a little bit sad to watch them grow. Trey seems so independent, it's hard to believe he was once Claire's size. I just love to watch him explore and try new things, it was a summer full of new adventures. He's so curious and brave, maybe a little too much at times, he has the scrapes and bruises to prove it- I hope he always stay that way.

Claire is our little doll. She smiles at everyone, and is sooo close to rolling over. She likes to sit in her bumbo and listen to Trey jabber away to her. As of yesterday she is 4 (!) months old, and to celebrate she started sportin' a ponytail :)

Brock is getting geared up for school- he says he's ready- I think we're both ready for some routine again.
The end of August, gardens are harvested, the days are growing shorter and nights getting colder, it always make me excited for the change in the season.

Summer was good to us, and now we're ready to see what fall will bring.

Lately

 I've started writing this post out a few different times and just haven't finished, for various reasons. Actually, reasons being why I need to write in the first place if that makes any sense.

Life has been a little crazy the past couple weeks; to say I have been stressed would be an understatement. I fully intended to sit here and write out all the reasons. But now that the house {and my mind} is quiet, I couldn't make myself, because for every moment of frustration I can think of a tender mercy that I have been blessed with. And  I know it would take me much, much longer to write out that list. It never ceases to amaze me when things "just work out" because I know that they don't "just work out," that it is a loving Heavenly Father who cares about me and my worries. One small step back from my seemingly problems, and I realize how insignificant they are. Last night I was laying in bed thinking about the day, it had been long and full and I was grateful to be still, my mind raced through the things that needed to be done but as I heard Claire's sleepy sighs through the monitor my mind turned to how grateful I am for that little baby girl who always greets me with a smile, our curious and loving boy who seems to have grown up years in a matter of months and my hardworking and kind husband who is always so patiently reminding me that everything will work out for the best. 

a little (or maybe a lot) of the Lowry's

We just got home from spending a week at Lake Five with the Wilde clan. It makes me sad that we can't all be together more, so having a week with Brock's siblings and their kids was so much fun. Everyone who has been to Montana knows how beautiful it is, and that combined with the barns as backdrops, we couldn't resist doing some family photo shoots.

Nat is so awesome. I feel like we have an "oldest in our family" connection, we're similar in a lot of ways. Her and Dave make such a great pair and I can't even begin to describe how cute and funny each of their kids are. However, since Nat isn't a big "poster", she wanted me to share these so she could share them with her friends :)   So.... presenting the Lowry Family