I was 9 days overdue with Brigham. I've been overdue each time, so I was fully prepared to be, but nothing makes that waiting game any easier. By the one week mark i was completely exhausted, physically and emotionally. Where was my baby?! Was something wrong? I had a doctors appointment on the 9th, and i was a mess! I was worried because I barely made it into a delivery room with claire, that I would progress even faster this time and not make it at all! I was already 3cm dilated, my doctor told me to head to the hospital as soon as contractions started, and assured me I would have my baby that weekend, she said, "see you tomorrow!" So I went home, showered and packed my bag and, cleaned the house for the 100th time that week.

At about 2:30am, I woke up from a dream that I was having contractions, and realized i was actually having real contractions! I laid there timing them, 3-5 minutes apart, and after about 30 minutes it was too uncomfortable to be lying down, so I woke Brock up, he called my sister and when she got to our house we headed to the hospital! driving there i kept saying to Brock, "I can't believe I'm doing this again!" Each time, we've been driving to the hospital in the middle of the night, there is something calming to me about going in the dark and being the only car on the road, it's such a special moment, I like the feeling that we're the only ones awake. getting to the hospital was a complete deja vu feeling, brock holding me as we made our way down the quiet hall to labour and delivery, just like the times before. I ended up with the same nurse with trey and claire, and there she was again, I started bawling when I saw her, such a tender mercy, i knew things would be fine. I was 5cm when they first checked me, and was progressing quickly enough that I didn't feel like we were waiting around, but I still felt in control, unlike claire- that was a race! Brock was, once again, an amazing support to me. There is no doubt that I would not be able to do it all without him. he never leaves my side and knows what I need without me needing to say anything, or even open my eyes.

We'd been at the hospital for about 4 hours and I was in transition. i could feel we would finally be seeing who was in there soon- a feeling i have come to know well, that makes me so excited, and also so terrified. With trey and claire I started pushing right after my water broke, and that was the only thing holding me back this time too. They broke my water and I went into my zone, I just kept thinking it was crazy i was doing it for a 3rd time, that i actually could do it a 3rd time! It was so surreal. I kept thinking of all the people in heaven i love so much, who i knew were sending this baby to us. I was so ready to finally find out if it was a boy or girl! I pushed twice and 'it's' head was out, with trey and claire it was just one more big push and they were out, so obviously I was expecting the same, so I pushed, and kept pushing, and pushing...at this point Brock says i went into angry mode, and may have yelled, "get it out!" I did not understand why it was taking so much longer than I expected, why was it getting MORE intense AFTER the head?! I did know the end was so close and I wasn't going to stop until I got there! 14 minutes of pushing, they placed my baby on me and said, it's a boy! i saw his little face and it was pure love! HE was finally born, january 10, at 8:19am, and they told me he was a big boy, with big shoulders! At that point though, it didn't matter! It was all worth it, just like I knew it would be!

I love that rush of pure relief and joy! We were crying and laughing, we couldn't believe it- we had another son! those first moments of meeting your baby are so amazing!  I've loved each baby from the moment we knew they were coming, and finally getting to hold and kiss this tiny person you already love so much is the most perfect and overwhelming feeling I have experienced. when the doctor and nurses left, we just sat there admiring our new baby boy, examining his little fingers and toes, and the crinkle in his ear, it was all perfect. felt filled with love that I didn't know I had room for! It has amazed me after each of our babies have been born how immediately my heart has grown. I know that doesn't physically happen, but how else do you describe it? I loved this new baby so much, I loved watching trey and claire meet him and love him immediately too, and seeing our new family made me love Brock even more! 

Everyday I feel the importance and reverence of my role as a wife and mother. nothing makes me feel more fulfilled or loved.

I am blessed.



i love having a little baby again. there is something so heavenly about rocking little brigham to sleep, or just staring into his sweet face looking up at me. i love the feeling of him in my arms, and the feeling of his perfectly soft skin. I have decided that babies are just purely magic, and i want 100, okay maybe 10...maybe 6? most people think we're crazy for already having 3, so who cares right?! :)

baby #3 has held fewer surprises in the nursing, changing, and sleeping department, #1 and #2 helped with that, but the level of awe and amazement at a new, tiny, perfect person has been the same every time. and then another level of amazement that my body has held, and created, and given birth to 3 different babies. i am truly overwhelmed each day with gratitude when i look at them.

i love being a mother. it stretches me more than anything else, and teaches me things i didn't know i didn't know. becoming a mother has given me new eyes, and a bigger heart. i see everything differently than before, and love everyone more. i am more laid back, but never more sure of who i am, what i know, and what is important. i cry and laugh everyday, sometimes at the same time.
being a mother is demanding, and rewarding, and scary, and wonderful.
yep- i love it all!


bedtime prayer

one of the absolute highlights of my day is listening to treys bedtime prayer.
when we say family prayers and blessings on the food there's more around to disract him,aka claire, and so we usually have to help him a little bit, when it's just him and he's kneeling at his bed he goes on and on, and i just listen to what's going through his little mind, it is so sweet.
tonight i was trying to hold in my laughter and hold back the tears. there is just nothing more special than a little boy telling heavenly father about his day.
he only said amen about 5 minutes ago, i wanted to remember exactly what he said!

...i'm grateful clairey can go to school with me
i'm grateful Daddy can go to dentist school
i'm grateful Mommy can be great
i'm grateful Daddy can be cool
i'm grateful Daddy reads a book with me
i'm grateful Mommy does fun stuff with me
i'm grateful Mommy and Daddy go to the potty
i'm grateful for broccoli
i'm grateful For all the stuff...

oh trey, i love you so much!


the merge

not knowing if brigham was going to be a boy or girl stopped me from setting up a nursery. i knew we would put trey and claire in the same room once the baby was big enough for his or her own room, so over the last 9 months i've been collecting...hoarding...things for what i've been calling 'the merge'. this weekend i finally emptied out the closet and got it all set up! and i think brock's happy it's done, i seemed to find something we 'needed' for their rooms everywhere we went, for some reason he doesn't think that's a talent :)