month # 1

As of yesterday Claire is 1 month old!
It is so amazing how much she has changed already- she loves to look around, {mostly at Trey because he is always right beside her holding her hand} she is getting so good at holding her head up, she is starting to show off her ear to ear toothless grin, and she is now too long for her newborn sleepers. It is a little bittersweet watching your baby grow, I wish I could hold onto their "littleness" for longer- it just goes by much too quickly!

It's been a fairly easy transition to having 2 babies around- I have to say fairly because there has definitely been moments where I have been totally overwhelmed- but after a month I think we have found ourselves a pretty good routine! I am no longer afraid to leave the house out numbered, and it seems like Trey understands that he is the "big" brother now- he is such a good little helper, it makes me smile.

At one month Claire loves to be cuddled and rocked, She burrows right into my neck and falls asleep, I love it. She only cries when she's hungry and is such a good little eater, with polite "girl" burps {as Brock calls them}She LOVES to have her diaper changed! I think it is so funny, Trey always (still) hated getting his diaper changed, but as soon as this little lady's bottom is feeling that fresh air she's as pleased as can be...maybe we have a nudist on our hands! For the past week, she has been doing a 4 hour and allllmost 3 hour stretches of sleep in the night. One of my most favorite moments of the day is bedtime, after her tummy is nice and full, I lay her in her bassinet and because it is level with our bed I can lay down and watch her little eye lids getting heavy as she drifts off to sleep, watching her all cuddled up as her tiny chest rises and falls, is such a tender moment. I love her so much.

Life is just wonderful. It felt so complete when Brock and I got married, and then I felt like it was really complete with Trey, now with Claire I am wondering if it can be any better.


a full heart

Claire had her 2 week check-up on monday {already?!}
It was the first time I left the house with Trey and Claire by myself...and we all survived :)

As we were sitting in the waiting room the woman across from us said "you sure have your hands full!" and this quote has been running through my mind ever since...
  I am sure it is a combination of having just had a baby, spending a week together as a family and then Mother' Day, I have been thinking so much about my role as a mother and how much I love my family.

Trey has adjusted better than I could have ever imagined to having a baby sister. The first thing he does when he wakes up is find Claire, he'll say "baby!" with a big smile and will hold her hand, give her a kiss, or pat her head. He is so tender with her. And he's started "helping" us a lot: putting dishes in the sink and throwing garbage away {we've only found a couple bowls in the garbage and one diaper in the sink} He was meant to be a big brother. Little Claire is such a sweet baby. I love cuddling with her, I love nursing her, I love kissing her little lips. I love watching the beginnings of a brother-sister relationship.

On our way home from the doctor's appointment Trey was singing "the mom song" aka saying "momma" over and over and over. I looked back at him in the rear view mirror and saw those two little people all strapped into their car seats ready to go with their momma wherever she took them, Claire sound asleep and Trey singing away with a big smile on his face.
I had to catch my breath, and that big lump got stuck in my throat. These two have changed me so much. They put everything into perspective and sometimes it scares me how vulnerable they make me, my biggest dreams and my biggest fears now revolve around them.
I thought about how grateful I am they are mine and how grateful I am that we all have Brock- it amazes me how naturally being a dad comes to him.
And then I thought about how I need to be better. All three of them deserve the best me I can give. All that I do and hope to be is for them.
{I read this talk on Mother's day, it made me so thankful for all the wonderful moments I am blessed with daily...especially this quote}

"recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction. Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. … I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less”"


baby Claire

When I think about Claire's birth one word comes to mind- blessed.

I had some anxiety about a few things as my due date got closer, I was nervous that I would be in labor for 2 days again, I was nervous about what we would do with Trey while I was in labor, I was nervous it would happen when Brock was writing a final, and I was nervous something would happen and I wouldn't be able to deliver naturally.
I feel like I don't usually pray for very specific things to happen in my life, but everyday, for the last few months I prayed that she could be born in the middle of the night, and that it would be a fast delivery. In my perfect world, I would have a normal day, put Trey to bed and have a baby sister for him when he woke up.
That's exactly what happened. 

At about 10pm on April 28th I started having some contractions. I didn't think anything of them because I had been having contractions all week. A week and a half before she was born I had contractions for 6 hours and then they stopped, so I wasn't going to get excited unless they went that long again. By midnight they were still about 5 minutes apart and getting pretty strong, so we called our "come in the middle of the night babysitter" and warned them they may be getting a call later.

I got in the bath for an hour or so, the heat and water makes everything so much better. Brock sat next to the tub, held my hand, and kept me smiling while he timed each one. Then from 1am to 2am I laid on a pile of every pillow in our house, I would have a contraction and then fall asleep, then wake up 4 minutes later and have another one and then fall right back asleep....by 3am I couldn't sleep in between them anymore. I paced and swayed around the house, I wanted to stay at home for as long as I could. It's so much easier for me to get through contractions at home. I like to be alone. I like the dark. I like quiet.

At 4am I decided it was time to go and see where I was at, our babysitter came and we left for the hospital. We only live 5 minutes away, but I had 3 contractions in the car- things were starting to pick up, I was excited and I was scared.

We got the hospital at 4:30am, and there was no break in between contractions anymore. Brock registered me, while I did some more pacing and swaying, and we slowly made our way up to the labor and delivery floor. Brock basically carried me, I was holding on to him for dear life. I was 5cm when they checked me at 4:50am, we got into a delivery room. The nurse left the room for something and my water broke, I could feel we would be meeting our baby VERY soon. The nurse rushed back in {after I called yelled out "my water just broke!"} she checked me again and said "she is right there, let's have a baby!" I was already pushing, the urge was so incredibly strong, I told myself I wouldn't stop until she was out. A couple more nurses came in and 5 minutes later, at 5:11am, little Claire was born.

It happened so quickly, they placed her on me and said "it's a baby girl" I was so completely overwhelmed with joy. Labor was over, it happened just how I had hoped and prayed it would, and she was actually here in my arms. She was perfect and when I saw that little face, I was instantly in love. It was such a sacred, peaceful moment as I sat there with my husband and my new baby and watched the sun come up.

Is there anything more amazing, beautiful and spiritual than being able to grow a little baby and then bring them into the world? I feel so grateful for the two babies that have made me feel so close to heaven, and so empowered in my role as a woman and mother.


little sister

Trey is such a sweet big brother.
The first thing he said when he met Claire was, "baby...awwww."
He checks the baby chair every time he walks by and if she's laying in it he gently touches her head or her toes.
He brings me her soother and blanket, and he is always wanting to give "car" {his version of Claire} a kiss.

I love these two little people more than words could ever describe.


she {finally} came

Claire Lawnee Wilde
April 29th 2012
7lbs 14oz...of pure sweetness

I love her smell. I love her skin. I love her hair. I love her little legs and tiny feet.

{this girl's birth story won't be a long one, we were in the hospital for a whopping 41 minutes before she was born!}