i think most parents would agree that bedtime is a loaded word. if you have a baby bedtime isn't even a real thing, it's the time that the rest of the world falls asleep while you contine feeding/soothing every 3...or 1, (or less) hours. with toddlers bedtime can be a battle field, the negotiations and demands, why won't they stay in their beds?..so. much. mental. energy. 
the stage that we are in right now with bedtime is unknown to us. trey and claire are (mostly) staying in their beds for a full 12 hours, and brigs is also sleeping through the night (cue the chorus of angels)!! 
because of the spacing of our children we...lets be honest, I, didn't get many uniterrupted nights for almost 5 years. bedtime wasn't really atime for me to go sleep in my bed...so it feel a bit strange to say, but it has become one of my favorite parts of the day! we start "the process" around 6:30, they get pj's on and go the the bathroom and brush teeth, then they each pick out a book (which has evolved into them wrapping it up in their blankies for me to open) we read scriptures and say prayers and then read the stories they picked out. then we all kiss and hug brigs and he goes to bed, I take him to his room and he points to the chair and says "baby cry" which means he wants me to sing the song "baby mine". after the song i get another kiss and lay him down. then i go back into trey and claire's room and take turns laying by them and asking them about their day...and this is the time i just wish i could bottle up and keep forever! they tell me the sweetest things, things that made them happy and sad that day, and things they are worried about. then they usually have a few song requests and i will sing to them until they are alseep. so many times i've left their bedroom with tears becuase i  know i might have missed out on those precious conversations if i had been rushing.
i don't see it as just "hurry and get them sleeping as fast as possible" i have learned to treasure this time when my children and i can unwind and reflect on the day together. there is usually a few apologies, mostly from me, and i just try to soak up their littleness and innocence as I rock them and sing to them and as they talk to me about their day. no matter what kind of crazy day we have had, my heart is happy when i know they are falling asleep knowing how special they are to me, and feeling safe and loved.    


taking a shower

so today while I was (trying) to take a shower my children were extra "energetic". 
there's a lot of things that come out of your mouth as a parent that you would have never imagined you would have to say. here's a few of the things I was calling out to them:
-no to whatever is banging!
-please get the pen out of brigs' diaper
-yes Claire, you have to wear panties to go outside 
-NO to the BANGING!
-I'll get you the toliet paper Trey! I'm almost done!
...all this is all while I'm trying to shower as fast as possible! they keep me on my toes, but they also keep me smiling!

(Her love for these fake teeth also keeps me smiling! Hahahaha!)


He's five!

Trey is 5! it really is amazing how fast these past five years have gone, it is hard to believe! I remember so well the emotion of seeing his sweet little face for the first time, I look at him now and it's still the same perfect face… just on a much bigger body!

It is hard for me to even put into words how special he is to us. we are constantly amazed at his kindness and gentleness and patient nature. he is so happy, and he loves to make others happy, he has such a desire to do what is right. He definitely is meant to be a big brother, he is so sweet to Claire and Brigham, he loves them so much and is all his doing little things for them, and then tells me "mom I know this'll make them so happy!" We know he is our child by his whacky sense of humor; he gets us laughing pretty hard with his dance moves and made up words! He still loves dinosaurs and puzzles, and his newest hobby, Lego! He is very organized and meticulous, something that his teacher was quick to notice also. She said he is always so careful whenever he's coloring or painting and is always checking to make sure the toys have been put away in the right spots. He is just like that at home, which makes him my number one helper! I honestly depend on him so much, he is such a little responsible man! I tell Brock all the time that Trey can make a bed better than he can, ha! 

Trey, you have brought nothing but immense joy to us from the moment we found out you were coming! I remember when you were born realizing that in a year we would have a one-year-old… And in three years a three-year-old… I didn't know if I was ready, but you have taught me so much, and your love for me and your patience as I learn how to be a mother has shaped me into a much better person than i was before you came. Watching you grow and become more independent, makes my heart burst with love and break all at the same time. It wish so badly for you to stay my little boy forever, but can't deny the level of happiness it brings to watch you discover new things as you grow. You are an amazing boy, who can do so much good, and my greatest goal is to help you never to forget it!


(no hurry) september

As September started, our calendar was already looking crazy! And now, looking back at it we had at least one thing every single day! 

Something that I had been thinking about was the word "hurry", I know that when I am saying hurry, or other words or phrases like it it's because I am feeling stressed. And I also know that I don't want my children feeling hurried through their childhoods. So with these thoughts in mind I decided to challenge myself to not say the word hurry for the month of September... I wasn't perfect, I said hurry and other things like it 7 times, I kept a tally in my phone, but I can say that this challenge really helped us, especially me, in our daily comings and goings. I made sure to plan enough time so that my children would be able to do things the way they wanted and on their own. When we were out and I was tempted to hurry them along it made me step back and really think about why I felt that way, and pretty much everytime it was because I wanted to do things on my timetable, which I know isn't necessarily the right one. I had so many extra sweet moments with them because I wasn't trying to rush, and just let myself see things more from their sweet perspectives.

One day we were having a hard day; so much was going on, everyone was tired and a little bit cranky, I was doing laundry and was listening to an interview on the MormonChannel "keeping your sanity in a home of little ones" trying to gain a little bit more patience. I was walking up the stairs with a basket of laundry and a big plastic airplane falls onto my head and cut my ear. In the interview a woman was just talking about the physical demands of parenting young children... I'm not going to lie I cried a little bit, it hurt! but I also had to laugh, I was glad I was listening to that interview so that I could find the humor in it... 

Thinking back on my little challenge I know that when I'm feeling stressed about the things to be done, and feel like I'm about to lose myself to my emotions, it is because I am trying to hurry MYSELF too much...which then can spill over to my children. when I sense that feeling creeping in, I know that I have the power to choose how I respond, and when I remember that, I also know that my reactions teach my children how to react. how else can I become the patient person and mother I'm striving to be?when those icky parts of ourselves are being pulled out, we have the chance to learn from them (and learn and learn and learn) until we master them. because when those (hard, crazy, frustrating, emotional) moments have passed and I CHOSE to feel patience and love, our home is a place of peace and love. I know that my relationships with my husband and children are worth slowing down for.

6 years


I'm a few days late...okay more than a few, but I couldn't not write about how wonderful it was to celebrate another anniversary! 6 years seems like a good amount of time...but really I feel like we are still just starting out. looking back I know we have learned a lot about being married! 

I have learned that while we are both capable of great things individually, as a pair we can accomplish so much more. It's so amazing to look back on the goals we set as newlyweds and see how our planning and hard work has brought us here! 

I am so grateful for Brock and the love he shows me, it's so amazing having someone who is always on your side. his love and confidence magnifies the good in me, and gives me strength to face my weaknesses. i have never felt held back or hindered in any way being married to Brock, he has given me unending support and confidence, and as we have worked together to solve life's problems, I can see how coming out on the other side of them has strengthened our love for one another. 

we have found it is so important to view our relationship as a living thing, something that needs nurturing and dedicated thought and planning and care. It's easy to get caught up in all the everyday details of running a home and taking care of a family, but when I step back and remember why we are doing it all, I find so much joy. I don't see our marriage as two separate people with two separate roles; we know we are united in our goals for how we want our life and our family's life to be, so whatever we are doing, whether it's me at home or him at school, we are working towards those goals. I know by being at home I'm supporting him at school, and he's supporting me and our children by working hard there, it brings such a greater sense of purpose and meaning to each day knowing that. And, when I get the text that he's on his way home to us, I still get butterflies...cheesy, but very true!



well the day has arrived, Trey officially is going to school. yes, it's only a couple of days a week, and only for the morning, but it hasn't stopped me from having (multiple) meltdowns about it! my baby is on his own in a school!?! He was so excited, and so ready, he's helped me be brave about it all.

I've had a lot of emotions leading up to this and figured out, while I am sad about him going, I am also very sad about this phase of life ending. I'm no longer a mom with all her babies with her all day. I'll always have children in school now (until the last one graduates, but no need to even begin talking about that day!). 

And while I am so happy and excited for Trey to experience more, it is SO hard leaving your precious child in someone else's care! someone else gets to spend time with him, play with him, watch him discover new things, and teach him. but I also know that someone else will get to see his kind and thoughtful heart, and my biggest hope is that he will always remember how special that is.

When I picked him up today the first thing he said to me was, "that was SO much fun!" The whole way home he went on and on about all the awesome things he did at school, my heart swelled! here was my first baby all grown up and telling me about his day, I sat there and prayed hard that he will always be this excited to come home and tell me everything I missed while we were apart. I love you Trey!


book club

Over the summer I read a couple parenting books, I had quite a few little "ah-ha" moments, a few of my favorite quotes were these;

"Every day in 100 small ways our children ask, "Do you see me?" "Do you hear me?" "Do I matter?" Their behavior often reflects our response."

"When a child asks you to do something they can already do for themselves, it often means, "I feel loved when you do this for me."

"Children are compassionate by nature. Engaging their compassion instead of igniting there self-preservation is not only more effective and guiding their behavior, it's also more affected and growing their humanity." 

Aren't those great!? 

The other day I said to Brock, "I've never felt more like I child than I do now that I'm a parent!" When my children say to me, "mommy why..." It really hits me, I'm the mom...mom's know stuff! 
nothing has ever kept me in closer communication to my Heavenly Father than striving to teach and guide them. And when I think about how patient, and kind, and forgiving He is to me I know I can be those things to my children. I must be, or else I'm a hypocrite! Now that I'm a mother my view of parenting has flip flopped, I think my children are changing and moulding me just as much, or more, than I am moulding them. They really are my perfect little teachers. 

(And just because I love them so much...more of our family pictures!) 


i'm still here!

my blog has been on my mind, I've missed it! I keep a running list of my thoughts in my journal, phone, and post it notes...but most haven't gone further than that! oops! writing is so calming to me, one of my favourite quotes says that "we write to taste life twice" and that is exactly how I feel! 
not much has changed since I've last been here, but then again, so much has changed! still a little family of 5, living in beautiful Saskatoon. Brock started his 3rd year (!!!) of dental school and in a couple weeks Trey will start preschool! Claire and Trey are also doing swimming lessons this fall, and Claire is doing ballet- it seems crazy to me that we have kids big enough to 'do stuff' ha! Brock and I were just talking about our one bedroom apartment when Trey was a baby. It seems so long ago! And it is amazing to see how much has changed in the time since, and something I keep thinking about is this quote...
I love this! And it is so true! there's no place I'd rather be than making our life happy together!


big brother

This post is backtracking a little bit but I have been meaning to write down a couple things that trey did that are just so sweet!
 Brock and I always say that we know it's not a coincidence that he was born first in our family. He is such a thoughtful and caring big brother and is so eager to help in our home!
 Both of these little experiences happened a couple months ago- remember when I wrote about what a crazy time that was?! I know it's also no coincidence that these things happened during such a busy time! 
The first thing happened when we were at the church cleaning up after a lunch for the missionaries. I was asked to be in charge of the meal for a zone conference- a lot of planning and shopping! every time we went to the grocery store that month my kids would ask, "is the stuff for the missionaries?" Haha! The lunch was over and we were clearing tables and cleaning the kitchen. Brigham was in his playpen, and I could hear Claire playing in the room down the hall. I wasn't sure where trey was, so I went to go look for him. I hadn't gone far and I found him laying down in the dark, peeking under the wall divider into the room where the missionaries were having their meeting. I crouched down beside him and whispered, "what are you doing in here?" He looked up at me and whispered back, "I'm just trying to listen to them. Mom, I really want to be a missionary!" My eyes stung with tears, I felt so overwhelmed with gratitude that I had been asked to help serve, and even more grateful that I had been impressed to include my children in it. I would have done it all again 10 times just to have that special moment with him! it strengthened my testimony so much that service will always bless us!
The next little experience happened only a few days after that, it was suppertime, a.k.a. madness! I hope I'm not the only mom that thinks that the hour from 5 PM to 6 PM is like a marathon! Brock was at school, brigham was crying, I was trying to herd Trey and claire to the table to eat. they were finally sitting down and starting to eat, and the thought came to me to say a blessing on the food. part of me just wanted to let them keep eating and have silence for a moment, but when moments like that come I know I am being tested. These small repetitions are the things that will form the habits in my children's lives, and so I said a silent prayer to myself, and then asked one of them if they wanted to say a blessing on the food. Trey volunteered and started saying a prayer. it was so calming to me to hear his sweet little voice talking about the day we had just had and expressing his thanks for things like the table and his bed, then he said, "and grateful for my grandma who lives with Jesus in the sun" he ended his prayer and I looked up at him, I couldn't believe how tender and thoughtful his prayer was. He had just taught me so much. We talked about his special grandma Lawnee and he said, "I wish I could see her but she is seeing me right mom, because she loves me?" by this point my tears were flowing, I reassured him and told him that I knew she was watching him and that she loves us all so much! As we were eating I thought how I would have missed such a special moment if I would've let the busy commotion of suppertime overtake what was truly important. 
Thank you Trey for always being there to remind me what really matters!


new year!

I have mixed feelings about January, I don't like the cold, -40°C is just a tad too chilly for me, but I love new beginnings and changes, and the start of a new year is so exciting! We had such a wonderful 2014 it's hard to believe it's already over! We've learned a lot and it's been so fun watching our children grow – it's crazy to think how much can change in just 12 short months! With a new year comes New Year's resolutions, which are not particularly for me. I am more of an ongoing monthly, weekly, and daily goal person. We do, however, set yearly family goals and plans, and come up with a family theme for the year. This year the theme we have decided on comes from the hymn "have I done any good in the world today?" The part we have chosen is where it says, "doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure, a blessing of duty and love."

 We decided on this because in this busy (busy busy busy) season of life that we are in we felt like it was important for us to remember how much of a blessing it is to serve. And this is also something that is so important to us to teach our children, we want them to learn and feel the joy that comes from serving others! I'm excited for the things we have planned for this year, as our children are getting older it's getting so fun to plan things with them and feel of their excitement, even if it's just a trip to Costco :)

Also, this baby is almost one year old! That's all I can say about it for now because I start to cry when I talk about it!