Penny Lucille

good old blogger, it's been quite a while! my posts have become few...and very far between but i refuse to give you up all together! I love reading back on posts, and (one day printing) blog books, so don't worry I am still here!

quite a few things have changed since my last post! first, and most importantly, Miss Penny Lucille Wilde was born on July 10th! Here's a little "before and after"...only 55 hours in between...

I feel like I should really start her "birth story" about a month before she was born! Because I had a miscarriage last fall, I had now been pregnant for over a year, and this pregnancy had been so much physically harder than my previous ones. Way more sick, for so much longer, and once the sickness let up a bit, my pelvic girdle pain came back much stronger than before too, and way earlier! The last few weeks before she was born you could find me crawling around the house attempting to be productive and trying to take care of my children, i felt terrible! Terrible that I was in so much pain, and terrible that i couldn't be the mother my children were used to! They were, and are, so amazing and helping me and letting me rest! 

I had two different due dates, July 10th and July 19th, the kids and I headed to my doctors appointment on July 5th, and as soon as my doctor came in the room I started crying, I felt so scared and nervous and I honestly didn't know if I could make it to either due date. My amazing doctor asked me if I wanted to be induced, and i started crying harder! I felt so guilty! I felt like if I stayed pregnant to let this baby come when it wanted to it would be at the sacrifice of my other children, and if I got induced so i could walk again and take care of my family, it would be at the sacrifice of my unborn baby. I told her all of this, and she explained all my different options to me, and leaving her office I was scheduled for an induction on friday, July 8th. I called Brock and my mom, and tried to calm down, while I made a huge list of everything that HAD to be done in the next two days. Thankfully brock is the most amazing husband and was so patient, like he always is, and helped me (which means he did it all) get everything on my list checked off. Friday morning came and the hospital called and asked if I could be there at 9:30, one hours notice! I scrambled to get us all ready and pack a bag, i was shaking and trying not to cry (too hard) while my sweet trey said he would make all the beds while claire helped brigham get his shoes on. I dropped them off at a friends house, who was willing to watch them all day! amazing! my mom was on her way and I drove, and prayed, to the hospital and met brock. it was really strange, never being induced before, it was so surreal knowing we were at the beginning of our baby's arrival! At this point I was so terrified,  I was scared of not getting an epidural again, scared if I was doing the right thing, and feeling guilty that i was so scared and not really excited! I'm sure that my chart said "emotional wreck" because I just cried to every nurse/doctor i saw! 

we waited, and waited, and I finally got a cervidil placed at about 2:30, and then we waited some more! We joke that that day was our last date before penny was born, i wasn't having any contractions, so we just got to sit and (try to) walk and talk all day while I was monitored. I wasn't dilated at all at 7pm, so I decided to go home and sleep. I woke up saturday morning with some twinges, and by 10am contractions were coming about every 5 minutes, but not very strong, so we decided to all go to a movie! by then end of the movie they were stronger, and it was time to go get another cervidil, so my mom and abby took the kids home and brock and I headed back to the hospital. they checked me, still nothing, and put another cervidil in and we waited some more, not so much visiting this time though, my contractions were getting harder and still every 5 minutes all day long, but again around 7pm, still hardly dilated, so we decided to go home again. By this point I was feeling very defeated, tired, and yes, emotional. we got home and I prepared for the loooong night ahead. By 10am Sunday morning the contractions were very very strong, it was pain I had never experienced in my previous deliveries because of all the added pressure on my pelvis, and it was unbearable. I was praying so hard for the pain to end. We got back to the hospital and I was still barely dilated, I was a wreck, I felt like I couldn't do this for another day, or more?! I laid in assessment, while brock did everything he could to try and help me. I normally like to move around during contractions, but considering how much pain i had already been in trying to move it wasn't an option this time around. I felt so trapped and just needed a break from the pain! The doctor came in around 2pm and i was 2cm, yay! finally some progress! She ordered the epidural and the nurse came in to take us the delivery room, and she also informed us the anesthesiologist would be about 1-2 hours, I looked up at brock, and i think I saw just as much disappointment in his eyes, he wanted an epidural for me this time just as bad as I did. We got into the room and I tried to get comfortable. my nurse was so amazing, definitely an answer to my prayers, she has been a delivery nurse for 35 years, and she was a miracle worker- tucking towels and blankets under me and putting cold wash cloths on my face and arms, braiding my hair... she was hustling around the room and when she was done i finally felt some relief- and it was amazing! after about 40mins in the delivery room my nurse told me the epidural was on the way and so she and brock helped me get up to try and use the bathroom, and as soon as they stood me up I felt the pressure, I didn't tell anyone because I wanted that epidural SO badly, but a few steps later my water broke. I looked at brock and just started saying, "no, no, no, no..." I knew this was it, and that it would just be all on my own again. They carried me back to the bed and sure enough the baby was right there. I remember thinking, I had made it to the end. I had been praying for the end to come, thinking it would be in the form of an epidural because of how slowly i had been dilating, but I just dilated from 2cm to 10cm in less than an hour, so this was the REAL end.  I pushed, and SHE was born in less than a minute! The doctor announced it was a girl, and brock and I looked at each other so surprised, we had both been thinking it was probably a boy! And now, FINALLY, my tears were happy ones, and it was all done! Nothing in the world can describe that amazing feeling of relief and joy and pure love! the pain was gone, and I felt amazing!  


She came out healthy, crying, and with a double chin already! i couldn't (and still can't) believe I had given birth naturally for the 4th time- proof that things don't always go as planned! But even though there was no epidural, I felt like everything went the way it should, my prayers were answered, and I can't help but think of all the people we love in heaven who I know were there, and sending little penny to us. we are so grateful you are here.