on purpose.

A few days ago I had a hard day. Lack of sleep, a not-so-nice lady in the grocery store, and some very sad news, had me laying on my bed in tears. Both kids were napping {a rare occurrence} and so I decided to listen to a conference talk. I randomly chose this one, and I know it was no coincidence.

"I think of our Lord and Exemplar, Jesus Christ, and His short life among the people of Galilee and Jerusalem. I have tried to imagine Him bustling between meetings or multitasking to get a list of urgent things accomplished.

I can’t see it.

Instead I see the compassionate and caring Son of God purposefully living each day. When He interacted with those around Him, they felt important and loved. He knew the infinite value of the people He met. He blessed them, ministered to them. He lifted them up, healed them. He gave them the precious gift of His time."

To me this is what being a disciple of Christ means. Doing {good} things on purpose, not merely living out of habit. 

I feel best when I purposely wake up and study my scriptures and have meaningful prayer. When a friend's name comes to mind and I call them. When I sit with Trey and play or read a book. When I wonder what my grandparents are doing, and decide to skype them. When I hold Claire just a little while longer after she's eaten so we can just look at each other. When, instead of filling Brock in on the days mishaps when he comes home, I remember he's had a long hard day too, and decide to do all I can to help him. 

When I remember to do all these things, without expecting any praise or recognition;
that is when I feel the best.

It seems that now if you are not "busy" you are somehow not successful. But I am learning that when I feel too "busy" it's time to do some prioritizing, so the things that truly matter don't get lost in the rush of the day. 

 "Our Heavenly Father sees our real potential. He knows things about us that we do not know ourselves. He prompts us during our lifetime to fulfill the measure of our creation, to live a good life, and to return to His presence.

Why, then, do we devote so much of our time and energy to things that are so fleeting, so inconsequential, and so superficial? Do we refuse to see the folly in the pursuit of the trivial and transient?...

So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial.

The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don’t really matter or determine our happiness.

We do matter.We determine our happiness.

You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness."

Choosing to be happy, and choosing to strive to make others happy. It's a good way to spend your time :)

staying afloat

that about sums up  the past couple weeks, i feel like i have just been kicking and kicking to keep my head above water...but the most important part is, we're still hanging in there!
All of Brock's spare time right now is spent studying for the DAT, Trey is sporting a cast {more clubfoot treatment} that he is not particularly fond of, Claire is working on a couple teeth, and I just got called into the Primary Presidency!- it's been a little hectic and sleep deprived around here.
My coping mechanism? christmas music and 'after eight' hot chocolate, I can't possibly be stressed when either of those things are involved :)

...on another "floating" note. meet our baby fish! This gal could swim all day!

who needs clouds...

...when you have crackers!
For the past couple weeks whenever Trey eats crackers he'll take a bite, then stare at the cracker for a few seconds and tell me what animal he thinks it looks like, take another bite, stare, and decide what it looks like again. Today he came over to me, so excited saying, "a sheep! a sheep!" he held up his cracker and it really did look just like a sheep! But he was onto the next bite before I could get a picture!
What a goof!

a happy happy birthday

Trey turned 2 on October 4th.  It was a happy day.

He was born 22 days after our first anniversary. To some {or maybe to many} that may seem pretty quick timing to add a baby to the mix, but we know he was supposed to come exactly when he did.

Our "plan" was to wait a couple years to start having children, but about a month after we were married I started feeling like we should have one sooner. We JUST got married so I tried to put the thought out of my mind, but I couldn't. After a month of trying to ignore it, I brought it up with Brock. We talked about it, and prayed about it, and well, we came to conclusion that if we were pregnant at that moment we would be really quite (ecstatically!) happy. Two months later I was pregnant. And we were very, very happy. We told our families and they were also very happy.

A couple weeks later Brock's mom, Lawnee, passed away. And then I knew why this little baby was supposed to come so quick. Feeling his little kicks and hiccups every night, buying tiny baby things, planning our future as a family of three, knowing that families are forever... during a time when it was hard to be, he made us happy.

As I watched Trey, surrounded by family, try to sing "happy birthday" along with everyone, I thought of how so very true that statement was.

Trey, since the day we knew you were coming you have made us happy.

the in between

as much as I refuse to believe it, I know the tiny people that I spend my days with will one day not be so tiny. nothing brings me greater joy than watching trey and claire grow and learn new things, but when they are both tucked in their beds for the night, a little piece of me is sad that they are both one day older.
Even though it's been some time since I have had 8 uninterrupted hours of sleep, I secretly treasure the middle of the night nursing and rocking time with my baby girl, and the tiny, tired hands reaching up to climb into mom and dad's bed. I fear all to quickly these little bodies that I love to snuggle will be all grown up. So for now I enjoy the time in between our days when I feel like I get their littleness for just a bit longer.

13.1

someone asked me why I was training for a half marathon, I told them, "I love to run."

and I do.

When I was 7 years old my grandpa had to have his leg amputated. I will never forget seeing {what was left of} his leg after. I remember thinking, "how will he run?" I asked my grandma, and she said, "you just run extra for grandpa."

 Running has always been a release for me. I love the time to think. I love to see how far my legs can take me. And I love how it makes me feel.

I think of my Grandpa every time I run, I think of my mother-in-law and sister-in-law with muscular dystrophy, I think of the woman that walks by our house with her seeing-eye-dog. I think of how grateful I am for a healthy body that can do so many things.

With 3 miles left in the race I started to feel my body getting tired, my goal was to run it in less than 2:10 and to run the entire time. At this point I really wanted to walk, but I also really wanted to prove to myself I could do what I set out to do. My legs were sore, but I thought of every run I had done to prepare for that exact moment, I thought of my two babies and husband waiting at the end. and I thought of my Grandpa- so I kept running. Around the last corner, was a women in a wheel chair holding a sign that simply said "you can do it!" I almost broke down right there, I found whatever energy I had left and pushed to the end.
I finished in 2:05, and then ate the best banana I have ever tasted!