for my love

of documentaries, that is...
I have always been fascinated by documentaries, I love feeling informed and viewing things in a way I hadn't thought of before.
We have "netflix" and for only $8 a month I can watch all the documentaires I want {that is when Trey is not around or else we are most definitely watching "backyardigans"} A few I have really enjoyed are "Tapped" {all about the bottled water industry} "Maxed out" {about america's reliance on credit} and one I could really relate to, "The Business of Being Born" {pretty self explanatory} This movie BLEW me away! It focuses on the comparison of natural births and births with interventions {pitocin, epidurals, c-sections...ect}. {I would say it is "girl only movie" -you can imagine there is a lot of birthing going on} It gives any mother, or soon-to-be mother, a lot to think about- at least it left my brain spinning. What I mainly took from it was the questions, why are women in most cultures around the world able to have gentle, comfortable, {quiet} births, when the women of the western world seem destined for pain filled deliveries? Why are american women made to think there is NO way they can deliver their baby without some sort of anesthetic or intervention?
After I watched this it made me glad for the birth experience I had with Trey- it was NOT in any way what I had planned, but it really was perfect for me, my personality, and perfect for my first baby. I'll spare you all the details of it, and just say this- I learned that I {and brock} can get through 2+ days of contractions and 1 hour of pushing out a baby and feel every part of him as he arrives. It might sound strange to some, but I actually enjoyed the pushing part- not in a "oh, this so so fun way!"- more like I felt like I was able to listen to my body and actually do something instead of just sitting {bending, bouncing, laying, squatting...} through contractions. I loved being able to feel as he was coming out and the rush and instant relief I felt the second he was born, I honestly felt like a million bucks- like I could do absolutely anything. I think that is such a big part of giving birth whatever way it happens- women learn how truly amazing our bodies are. Being pregnant and giving birth was a huge learning experience for me of how powerful I am and that I can do so much more then I expect I can.

All that being said, I believe that birthing is deeply personal for every women. There is such a huge variety of circumstances and situations- obviously there is not a one-size-fits-all birthing method. But that in itself is empowering, every woman gets to decide what's best for her and her baby- that day, and forever after that.

the little things

When you spend a lot of time with a little person you start to really notice the little things. My most recent favorite thing to do it just to lay on the floor with Trey and play. Play usually meaning watching him get into anything and everything he can get his hands on- and I have surprised myself by really not caring about the mess that follows. Up to this chapter in my life I have always liked things to be "just so." I like everything to have a place {a clean place} and truly believe that cleanliness is next to Godliness. But, with that being said, I am learning that I am willing, and eager, for other things take presidence over a perfectly placed living room. I sit in amazement as I watch his little fingers and hands grab, drop, pull, throw each object that he is inspecting. He loves to climb and he'll go up on his tip toes to reach things- adorable. He loves to hold things right in front of his eyes, look at them, and then slowly scratch it with one little finger- so cute! I love to wonder what he is thinking as he explores the world around him, and I love the pure look of delight when he see's or does something new. I feel like each day I am able to witness these small little miracles as we sit and learn together.
I have been thinking a lot lately about one of my favorite books- "Glimpses" by Marjorie Pay Hinckley. I have read and re- read this book many times. She is so funny and witty and positive. One chapter I have learned a lot from is the one entitled "Mothering."

She says "It has become a challenge to let children be children. It has never been so important that children have a home that is a place of refuge, a place of peace, a place of unconditional love- even when the report card may not be what you hoped for... I tried hard to never to say "no" if I could possibly say "yes." I think that worked well because it gave my children the feeling that I trusted them and they were responsible to do the best that could...The trick is to enjoy it. Don't wish away your days of caring for young children. This is your great day. Sometimes we get so caught up in the physical work and trivia that we forget the big picture. We forget whose children they really are. When the house is filled with children, noise and teasing and laughter, you get the feeling this is forever. Before you know it they will be gone...The rewards of mothering are not immediate...We have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove anything, to be what we are...Don't dwell on your failures, but think about your successes. Have joy in your home. Have joy in your husband. Have joy in your children. Be grateful for the journey."

I promise that wasn't the whole chapter, there is just so many wonderful things to think about.

a happy anniversary

Anyone can be passionate,

but it takes real lovers to be silly. ~Rose Franken

Oh, how I love this quote, and,

Oh me oh my, how I love my husband!

I am sure every married person feels the same way- but it's hard to remember what it was like BEFORE we were a "we."

Looking back on my life it almost seems like a movie- all the highs and lows, the moves and the jobs that brought me to that night {I was with a friend on our way to meet some more friends at a movie when  it was suggested we stop by Brock Wilde's house- who had JUST come home from his mission- and see if he wanted to come, 

he did...boy, am ever glad we stopped!}

In our (not very) long time together we have encountered many changes- some welcome and happy ones: moving 6 times (..okay maybe not that welcome) coming to Saskatoon, and our little baby Trey! But also, some hard ones, most of all Brock's Mom passing away.Sometimes I feel like our little family is being stretched to it's limits- then I see how much our faith in the Atonement has grown and how much we

 have grown closer together, and I am grateful. 

I love the everyday hugs and kisses,the goals and planning, the tears, the smiles, the late night talks, and of course the silliness!

I am beginning to realize that life is just a big ball of change, it's unavoidable,

BUT that it's a good thing, and that the only way to get through it all is to have an UNchangable knowledge of who you are and what you truly value most. And when you and your husband value and believe the same things, life's bumps are much more manageable- I am so grateful we both value our temple marriage (that it is sacred and that it is fun!), and that we both value our role as parents.This anniversary is an important one to me. Because, as anyone with children will understand, bringing a new itty bitty life into this world with your spouse is a most miraculous, beautiful, life-changing thing. I feel like now I really know Brock- I look at him in a  new way. He is simply wonderful at being Dad - and watching it brings me happiness I cannot describe. And makes me excited for forever together. 

Thank you Brock for loving me so much,

and for loving Trey- we're both quite smitten.



dear MCAT

the MCAT has taken over our life!
I am so proud of Brock and the stamina (I don't know where he finds it) he has had over these past few months- I know it is hard locking himself in a room for hours and hours (right now were at about 12 a day) while Trey and I go do things, but 'normal' school life is just around the corner and a few hours of studying a day is sounding really good right now! He writes on Saturday, and both of us are prrrretty excited for it to be done!
(plus I have convinced him to write the DAT in November- he learned you only need to know about 1/4 of the things for that that he has studied for the MCAT- so why not right?! and maybe my dream of being his dental assistant one day will come true...haha!)

only 2 more days....

one more month (+3 days)

When I say I cannot believe how fast time has gone- I mean every. single. word.
A year is suuuuuch a long time when you are little- or pregnant...and I feel like someone is playing a trick on me and really it has only been about 5 or 6 months since Trey was born...right??
Trey has been sleeping A LOT lately- like 13 hours at night and a couple naps in the day, and I swear he is doing some crazy growing in that little bed of his! I feel like everytime I go to get him out of there he is turning more and more into a little (very, very cute) BOY!
case in point: He climbs anything he can, he says "buh bye" and waves at everyone, he drops (or throws) everything in his hands and then says "uh uh", he jabbers at us all day, and most little boyish of all he is trying to WALK- ahhhhh!
It is so fun to watch him become such a little personality, I spend most of my day watching and laughing at all the funny things he does, and it's hard to even remember that this is that same little, limp bundle we brought home almost one year ago!