today, like a lot of days lately, was crazy. constant feeding, cleaning, wiping, hugging, holding, rocking, driving, cooking, singing, playing; the list goes on. the days pass by so quickly it scares me. it scares me that i'm not doing enough, or more like, i'm not enough. i've recently had an epiphany- what i do is hard, pretty boring epiphany i know, but let me explain.
people all around me are going through hard things, things that break my heart, and i think, "woah, that is hard!" so when i'm feeling stressed, anxious, and worn out, i feel guilty because i think I should be able to handle this, i'm not having to endure ________. i have a happy family, 3 beautiful children a hard working husband and a safe home with a full pantry. but sometimes when the husband is gone all the time studying and working harder than ever, the baby is hungry, dinner is burning, and the 2 year old is screaming for juice while the 3 year old whacks you in the back with a plastic sword, i feel like maybe my life can be hard too. so letting myself feel like that is okay without feeling guilty is a big deal to me. instead of beating myself up, i've learned instead to slow down, breathe and find a stillness inside myself that hopefully can translate into the environment around me. someone recently asked me how having my third baby was, and the first word that came to me was, "refining." there is not a single moment, no matter how crazy, i would change anything about our lives. we are learning and growing and leaning on each other. my children are moulding me into something much better than i have ever thought i could be, and i only hope they can learn something from me along the way too.